If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
