I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
