He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
