i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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