and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
