from now on my penis is your penis
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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