i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
