Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
