his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
