He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
two words...techno handjob
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to calm my uterus...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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