I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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