I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
