I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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