are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
