i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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