Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
