alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
