What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
