I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sext me about skeletons
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
