I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
