I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
