Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Green mimosas i think yes
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
