Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
