she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
