I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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