Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
