he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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