nut hugger
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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