So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
