He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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