The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
