They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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