We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
