Girls should come with a carfax report
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
