oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
