is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
