Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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