you guys were way drunker than both of me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
