I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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