lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
