Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
