Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
