Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
