i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
