just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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