I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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