Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
