Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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