you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
