So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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