so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
